Thursday: 12/13/07 --- Where's Home?

Last Sunday did not turn out exactly as we thought. The Eagles lost their game and she was not in a good mood …Michelle that is! Tinsae, on the other hand, did not seem to care about the loss. However, she did have to stay in the hospital on Sunday with Michelle. I will have to postpone my Oreo cookie demonstration with Tinsae until another Sunday when the Eagles lose and when we are finally home...hopefully this Sunday against the Dallas Cowboys!

Tinsae will not be coming home today either. Each day I have been hoping and telling the children that Tinsae may be coming home. I don't think they believe me anymore. Today is day number 8 at the hospital. She has only been 'home' for 4 days. For all she knows, the hospital is her new home.

She must think we are kind of like gypsies. Can you imagine her little brain trying to process all of this? We take her from the orphanage and then go live for two weeks at someplace in Ethiopia called the Hilton. Then we go live for a day in this long narrow room with the uncomfortable seats that float in the sky. Then we go to some place with 4 other little kids and a dog for 4 days. Then we go to this place called a hospital for 8 days where everybody wears these masks and she is confined to this little room. She must think we are crazy.

Originally, we were hoping to go home this past Sunday but the chest x-rays were not conclusive on the condition of her lungs. It was possible that she either had a form of pneumonia or tuberculosis. So we were waiting for a CT scan scheduled for Monday.

On Monday, the scan indicated with fairly good certainty that she has miliary tuberculosis (TB). Perhaps the only good thing about this form of TB is that it is not contagious. So she finally was taken off of isolation and other precautionary measures.

The cure for TB in children is a regimen of 3 meds for 9 months. Additionally, approximately 25% of people with this form of TB also have meningitis. So on Tuesday, the doctors wanted to do a spinal tap to rule out meningitis. Miliary TB can also spread to other organs so she had several other tests and examinations performed on Tuesday as well. All the tests performed on Tuesday came back negative.

Wednesday was a recovery day for Tinsae and a health strategy planning day for the doctors. Today, Thursday, another exam is going to be performed to check her lungs and get a fluid specimen to identify the strain of TB and also check for parasites and fungus. Fungus in the lungs??

Again, her doctors were amazed that the TB hadn't killed her especially in light of her compromised immunity with the HIV. Some may think she's a pretty good fighter for a 15 pounder. But we know who’s in her corner. We know that she is invincible until the moment God wants to take her home. And for some reason, God is letting her fight another round. Clearly God's purposes for her here have not been completed. It makes us wonder even more what all God has in store for her.

I’ve also been thinking about the whole concept of ‘home’ lately for Tinsae. Home for Tinsae has not been a place. Home for her has been in the presence of Michelle and me. Home for her has been in the shelter of our love. Sometimes Tinsae may not feel like we love her because to her it seems like we are not protecting her from all the procedures and needle sticks that cause her pain. This short term pain is for her long term gain. Her ability to understand that this kind of pain is for her own good is years away.

Yesterday in Psalm 90 and then again in Psalm 91 the word ‘dwelling’ caught my attention.

Lord, you have been our dwelling place throughout all generations. Ps 91:1

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust." Ps 91:1-2

Where do I dwell? Where do I rest? Where do I call my home? Do I find my rest and security in the love and protection of my heavenly Father…whatever my situation? Do I understand that God's 'short term' pain is for my long term gain?

In an earlier post I referred to Tinsae as little Miss Drama Queen. I didn’t mean to make light of her reaction to all the unfamiliar things that surround her. But, if she is little Miss Drama Queen, then I am big Mr. Drama King. You see, I know that God loves me and that He is sovereign and in control of every aspect of my life. I know that intellectually. I know that in my head, but do I know it in my heart?

You can see from some of my earlier posts that I’ve had difficulty trusting God in and through the pain or difficult times in my life. I do not walk too well in the dark… I tend to revert to crawling on all fours. I’d rather crawl by sight than walk by faith. Spiritually speaking, I may not be much older than Tinsae’s physical age. I have come to learn that I should not measure my spiritual maturity in years or how much I know from God’s word. Perhaps a better indicator of my spiritual maturity should be measured by how much I trust in God and in how much I apply what I know of God’s Word in my life. That would be a better measure of the strength of my relationship with Him. It would then come as no surprise that I think it is the end of the world when I suffer from spiritual paper cuts.

In an earlier post I mentioned that God led me to a point during our trip to Ethiopia where I think I found peace with some of my trust issues with God. I still owe you that account.

Have you struggled in your walk of faith like me? Have you ever found yourself crawling on all fours? Have you learned to persevere through the spiritual paper cuts? I'd like to encourage you today with these two passages dealing with pain or grief:

In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 1 Peter 1:6-7

...And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. Romans 5: 2-5

Tinsae may not yet know where her physical home is. We hope and pray that during and beyond this time of fear and pain that she will learn to trust in our love and ultimately this will help her to learn in the years to come to trust in the love of her heavenly Father. Our true home is not of this world. Her home and ours is in His presence... if only we could imagine.

"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.
...Jesus replied, "If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him. John 14:1-23

http://youtube.com/watch?v=IV9jiqS-74g

Thanks for your notes of encouragement and prayers!

His love for us is more than we can ever begin to imagine,

Bill & Michelle